Being a bloke
Being a bloke is top because:
- Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
- Your orgasms are real. Always.
- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You don't give a rat's arse if someone notices your new haircut.
- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
- Wrinkles add character.
- A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.
- You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
- The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
- Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"
- You can appreciate great sport.
- You can throw a ball more than 5 feet.
- One mood, ALL the damn time.
- A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
- You can open all your own jars.
- Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind.
- You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
- You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
- You can kill your own food.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
- If you are 30 and single, nobody notices.
- Everything on your face stays its original colour.
- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- You don't have to clean your flat if the electricity meter reader is coming.
- You can sit in silence watching a football game with your mate for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
- You don't mooch off other's desserts.
- You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
- You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
- You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- You don't have to shave below your neck.
- Your belly usually hides your big hips.
- One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
- You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
- Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th,in 45 minutes.
- Same job .... . more pay.
- The world is your urinal