Being a bloke

Being a bloke is top because:

• Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
• Your orgasms are real. Always.
• Your last name stays put.
• The garage is all yours.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• You don't give a rat's arse if someone notices your new haircut.
• Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
• Wrinkles add character.
• A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.
• You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
• People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
• The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
• New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
• Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
• Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"
• You can appreciate great sport.
• You can throw a ball more than 5 feet.
• One mood, ALL the damn time.
• A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
• You can open all your own jars.
• Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind.
• You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
• You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
• You can kill your own food.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
• If you are 30 and single, nobody notices.
• Everything on your face stays its original colour.
• You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• You don't have to clean your flat if the electricity meter reader is coming.
• You can sit in silence watching a football game with your mate for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
• You don't mooch off other's desserts.
• You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
• If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
• You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
• You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
• You don't have to shave below your neck.
• Your belly usually hides your big hips.
• One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
• You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
• Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th,in 45 minutes.
• Same job .... . more pay.
• The world is your urinal