Mistakes on CVs

How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples:

• "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."
• "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."
• "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
• "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."
• "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
• "I am a rabid typist."
• "Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."
• "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."
• "Proven ability to track down and correct erors."
• "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."
• "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."
• "References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."
• "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
• "Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."
• "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteroology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
• "I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."
• "I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to resond to my resume on my office voicemail."
• "Qualifications: No education or experience."
• "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."
• "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."
• "Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"
• Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!!